University of Wallamaloo Philosophy Department
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=_f_p0CgPeyA
Poker Night Rules
Rule 1: No poofters!
Rule 2: Games will be held on the first or second Friday or Saturday of the month
Rule 3: No poofters!
Rule 4: Host will notify all regular Bruces at least 3 days prior to the game
Rule 5: No poofters!
Rule 6: There is no rule 6!
Rule 7: Bruces will promptly confirm their availability
Rule 8: If a Bruce cannot take his turn he will arrange a swap with another Bruce
Rule 9: No poofters!
Rule 10: The minimum numbers of Bruces is five – the host will get alternate Bruces when needed
Rule 11: No Sheilas (unless they are cooking)
Rule 12: Play begins at 7.30 unless the hosting Bruce says otherwise
Rule 13: No drinking from the sheep dip
Rule 14: No poofters!
Rule 15: The host will provide playing cards, a light meal and snack items
Rule 16: Players will bring their own Fosters, tubes or other tinnies
The Napkin Rules
1. As most Bruces after an eskie of Fosters understand as much as a Sheila it’s been agreed that “Backing In” will be the default.
2. As soon as a Sheila shows in Follow the Sheila then there are no wildcards until the next card is turned and all Bruces must open a tinnie. If the turn ends before the next card is turned then there are no wild cards for determining the order of the betting.
3. In No Peek Follow the Sheila if the last Bruce to have cards face down has a winning hand he does not have to turn the remaining cards, not even if he’s a Pommie bastard.
4. If Bruce wants to play Low Card in the Hole, the card that declares the suit cannot beat the lowest card in the Bruces’ holes.
5. Bruces may use all nine cards, if going both ways seems like a good idea after an eskie of Fosters.
6. All Bruces will declare after the center card in Cross is flipped, then recite “This here’s a wattle, the emblem of our land, you can stick it in a bottle or hold it in your hand”.
7. In wildcard games for bidding or determining whether a Bruce should continue turning cards, the wildcards in each Bruces hand must be considered high – only poofters would make a wildcard low.
8. Cards shall speak for themselves – Bruces can assist other Bruces if they are too drunk to spot their best hand up until the first coin is counted. If a Bruce loses out they should open another tube or be at risk of being mistaken for a stuck up Sticky Beak.
9. If a Bruce wins a hand with a Straight Flush then all other Bruces who played the hand must donate a Pink Lady – if it is a Royal Straight Flush then the Bruces chip in a Lobster. If any of the following are true then Bruce gets zilch and is permitted to cry into his Fosters for 20 seconds while all other Bruces salute Her Majesty’s portrait and say “Australia, Australia, Australia, we love you”.
– Bruce needs to use a wildcard to make the straight flush
– Bruce loses the hand to another Bruce with to a higher hand
– Too many Bruces refuse to play their hands in Pass ‘Em leading to a redeal
– Bruce doesn’t know that he had a straight flush when the hand ends – can occur in no-peek if all other players fold before Bruce has a chance to turn all of his cards.
– Bruce is greedier than a politician with three Sheila’s on the side, declares both ways and loses
– The game has more cards than flies on a Sheila’s potato salad after an all day barbie
10. Hoyle applies to both high and low hands unless you can play the didgeridoo for 45 minutes without a break for a Fosters
11. If the dealing Bruce has had a tinnie too many and misdeals the hand must be redealt unless ALL Bruces still in the game agree that is as irrelevant as a Sheila’s opinion on cricket. If one Bruce acts like a whinging Pom and demands a redeal then he gets his way.